Relationship or Just Friends?

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Issue_3_10_20_15-014By David Fejeran –

The friendzone. It’s that place where all the “nice guys” rent a flat until they can find a more permanent residence. There are countless guys all over campus that complain about being single and that being a nice guy to women gets them nowhere. They try time and time again to start relationships with women, and find time and time again that those women are fine with being “just friends.” Then they get upset about their situation and complain to their friends about how women always fall for the jerks, leaving the “nice guys” behind. The whole system revolves around a victim complex that not only perpetuates the “nice guy’s” sin- gleness, but also fails to recognize the beauty and power of plain ol’ basic friendship.

And that’s the thing: the biggest issue with the idea of the friendzone is the perception of the situation by the person intending to start a romantic relationship. Most of these guys (I’m mostly going to focus on guys try- ing to start relationships here because I hear the most complaints from them) are being nice to specific girls in the hopes that they might consider them for a romantic partner. There’s nothing wrong with trying to start a relationship with someone, but it becomes an issue when you change the way you act for the sole purpose of scoring a relationship. And I use that word, “scoring,” because that’s honestly how a lot of these guys view the whole ordeal: they want to “win” the girl. Genuine relationships are never about winning; they’re about learning, growing, and loving. If you actually want to start a relationship, stop trying to be the angelic “nice guy” just so you can hold her hand for a really long time. Learn to be a nice person in everything you do, and you’ll become so genuine that you’ll never have to try so hard to get a relationship again.

Here’s what happens what you put on the front of “the nice guy.” You try to get the girl, but she doesn’t want you. This could be for a number of reasons. Maybe she senses that you’re not being genuinely nice for the sake of being nice. Maybe she senses the insecurity you have in trying too hard to get a relationship. Maybe she’s fallen for someone who exhibits more confidence. Maybe she just doesn’t like you. And while those are all valid reasons to not pursue a romantic future with you, you still feel like the victim. You put so much energy into something only to have your end goal just out of your grasp. Instantly, you feel like the victim. You turn to other people for comfort, and end up falling for another girl. The cycle begins again.

The only way out of this is to change your perception of the situation and act nice for the right reasons. Don’t act nice with the end goal of getting freaky with her. Act nice because it’s the right thing to do. If you do this, one of three things will happen. First, she might just ignore you. If that’s the case, just move one. No biggie. Second, she might see how genuine you are and go out with you. Cool! Third, she might pursue a friendship with you and you’ll be “just” friends. AND THAT’S OKAY. As far as I’m concerned, friend- ship was never a bad thing until some butthurt dweeb coined the term “friendzone” and made himself a victim of circumstance. There’s nothing “just” about friendship. Friendship is freaking awesome. Friends do stuff together, make fun of each other, and develop a beautiful, strong bond that fully exhibits the best parts of being human. If you become friends with someone, embrace it. Cherish it. Love it.

If you want to continue complaining about failed romantic endeavors because girls never fall for the “nice guy,” there are plenty of boy bands that could use a new tenor. But if you want this author’s two cents: be good for goodness’ sake and embrace the love and belonging that comes from friendship. There’s nothing wrong with being friends until you see it that way.

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