Texting All My Exes By Jacob Wissinger

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They say that inspiration appears briefly like a scorching comet across a dark sky. Don’t blink or you’ll miss it, they say. Seldom do they mention the pitfalls of momentary bursts of genius, or in my case, that creating a Google form for former lovers to answer questions about the totality of said relationship is Pandora’s Box incarnate. Around two weeks ago the idea flew into the plane of my mind, and I consulted with two close friends (one being an ex in this study). They were both supportive. With this affirmation, I wasted little time. I spent the next day making the form and more importantly, working up the courage to reach out to my old muses. My friends (and my instinct) had warned me of the potential danger in reopening these chapters, both the recently closed and the sparsely remembered. However, the gleam of the idea, mixed with boyish curiosity, I prevailed.

The process itself was simple enough, Five questions in the form of all short responses. Making up the questions were:

1. What was your favorite aspect of our relationship?
2. What was your least favorite?
3. What do you think could’ve been done better?
4. Why do you think we worked?
5. Why do you think it ultimately ended?

Of the five people I reached out to, three responded kindly (Thank you), one left me on read (no problem, understandable), and one spitefully slandered me (sticks and stones, eyes everywhere). With that outlined, lesssgoooo (HA).

#1
Q1: What was your favorite aspect of our relationship?
A: Our environment together felt wholly unique and enjoyable. It’s challenging to find a relationship where you can be comfortable and also engaged.

Q2: What was your least favorite?
A: This is a double-edged sword, and somewhat a fault of my own. Your tendency for introspection can also spark adverse side effects, like second-guessing, which I’m already susceptible to. Sometimes it’s hard to stay grounded while constantly assessing the validity, causes, or products of your inner thoughts and feelings.

Q3: What do you think could’ve been done better?
A: I wish you were better at gaming.

Q4: Why do you think we worked?
A: The dynamic between us felt very natural.

Q5: Why do you think it ended?
A: Ehhhh, circumstances didn’t permit. We were going in two different directions and just maintaining a platonic relationship was best.

Response:
As the person who would come to be my closest friend, I can only echo all of this. Connection on the Twin Flame/Kindred Spirits level seldom occurs, so I feel blessed to have you around still. You’re right in that excessive introspect would be a pitfall for us but I think as we’ve grown we have learned to let sleeping dogs lie. (In regards to question three) Marriage therapists often say it’s essential to take everything a loved one says as holding at least some validity. This is the exception. Shut up.

#2
Q1: What was your favorite aspect of our relationship?
A: I liked how easy everything was- it was all very candid and nothing took too much effort. Everything was very genuine and never forced.

Q2: What was your least favorite aspect of our relationship?
A: Along with the simplicity and easiness of our relationship, at the time I think I was looking for something different. I was chasing excitement and toxicity, and I think the genuine friendship and happiness we had didn’t match what I thought I wanted at the time.

Q3: What do you think could’ve been better?
A: I don’t think anything could have been better I guess– besides our maturity- I think it was a very innocent and simple relationship but that was what we both needed at the time.

Q4: Why do you think our relationship worked when it did?
A: We were so close friendship-wise that I think adding the extra element worked really well.

Q5: Why do you think it ultimately ended?
A: I think even though we still have a very close relationship, ultimately I think we have different goals in what we want out of a person/relationship.

Response:
Another person I remain very close to. I find myself relying on your support and perspective probably more than you know. It was a halcyon time, the tandem was really as seamless as you stated. You are right in that ignorant youth and separate aspirations led to the ultimate end but rarely do these things align. I’m glad that we’ve remained true to that path. Also, your sister is far cooler than you tell Rachel I said hey.

#3
Q1: What was your favorite aspect of our relationship?
A: Emotional connection.

Q2: What was your least favorite aspect of our relationship?
A: Constant communication/ expectations that followed.
Q3: What do you think could’ve been better?
A: Genuine responses from you instead of what I want to hear/ what’s sounds good. Setting boundaries on my part.

Q4: Why do you think our relationship worked when it did?
A: When it was new, it was exciting and we clicked well early on. In hindsight, we moved too quickly and it was a little thoughtless.

Q5: Why do you think it ultimately ended?
A: The lack of boundaries became overwhelming for me and my mental health at the time.
Response:
This may be some recency bias, but of all my experience, I think the connection here was the highest level I’ve been privy to. Emotionally and intellectually I think we, or rather I, understood within our first interaction that we occupied the same frequency. It’s really hard to fault someone for not only being strong enough to accept the hard reality (one that I couldn’t) but even more so doing what was best for them and their future. The end of the relationship was really abrupt and shocking but in retrospect, there were obviously things I didn’t see. As I keep making sense and peace with things there is an endearing notion, a large part of my love for this person was due to the individuality and perspective they possessed so by extension her decision, in the end, echoes the same qualities. It’s still a tad painful and confusing, but this person is of the *utmost **quality; knowing that they remain true to themselves brings comfort and affirmation.

*Has a really cool family and dog so a few bonus points
**Has elite level taste across the board

In totality, I have no regrets. I think an error people make post breakups is scorning and compartmentalizing. Relationships and memories don’t move laterally like time. Oftentimes circumstances, aspirations, and paths don’t align, especially within our youth. This process has reminded me that we simply occupy the present, that we can only relish what moments we get with people for as long or as little that we exist within them. Loss and gain exist equally, remain humble and thankful that we are lucky enough to have these people in our lives regardless of end results.

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